“Give up a baby for adoption.” I cringe when I hear this. I’ve worked for the adoption agency since 2001 and have known since my start in the adoption field that it’s not appropriate to use this terminology. At Adoption Advocates, we use the phrase “place a child for adoption.” Here are a few reasons why.

Historically speaking, “give a baby up for adoption” or “put a baby up for adoption” were used when children from the northeast part of the United States were transported via trains across the country looking for homes. When arriving in towns, the children would be “put up” for adoption on the train platforms. Families would pick and choose the ones they wanted. Children not picked would go back on the train for the next town. This is horrible on so many levels! Large boys would be chosen first because they needed them to help them farm. Smaller children would be rejected. These were children who had already lost their parents. It makes me sad just writing about it.

But there is a more important reason we are trying to phase out this term.  To say “give up” or “give away” objectifies the adoptee. Adoptees are humans, not objects. We give away things, not people.

We prefer the phrase “place for adoption,” especially, since the birth of open adoption. “Placing” is an action. With intent. Birth parents love their children. They are not giving up on them. I have worked with hundreds of birth families. They put a lot of thought into this very important and life-changing decision. They do it with great intention knowing it’s going to cause them immense pain.

See, once explained, makes total sense, right? Yet, after years in the industry, with professionals everywhere trying to promote positive adoption language, we still hear “give up.” We ask you, and since you are reading this adoption is of interest to you, to start using the phrase “place for adoption” and gently correct “give up for adoption” when you hear it.

Looking for more information on how placing a baby up for adoption works? Read the seven steps for expectant or birth parents here.