As you near your due date, it’s common to start feeling anxious about the delivering your baby – especially if it’s your first. Placing your baby for adoption may add even more uncertainty about what will happen. Knowing exactly what to expect can help you feel less anxious and more prepared.
It’s important to know that you are the legal parent until the paperwork is signed and in Texas, that can’t happen until at least 48 hours after birth. So, you have the right to make all decisions concerning your delivery and the time in the hospital. I like to say, “You are driving the bus!” Everyone is different and wants different plans. There is no right or wrong way, just YOUR way.
Everyone is different and wants different plans. There is no right or wrong way, just YOUR way.
Creating a Hospital Plan
When you work with an adoption agency, what happens at the hospital actually begins earlier in your pregnancy. Along with your adoption counselor, you’ll make a birth and hospital plan that is tailored to your individual wants and needs. With this plan in place, we hope you’ll feel more prepared and excited to bring your baby into the world.
Here are some of the things you can make decisions as part of your hospital plan:
Who do you want in the delivery room?
The father? Your mom? The adoptive parents? Some clients want the adoptive family in the room, some want them in the waiting room. Sometimes they can be invited in during labor but can be asked to step out for delivery. It’s completely up to you. We want you to be comfortable during this process.
Who do you want to cut the cord and hold the baby first?
I have clients who want to be the first to hold and feed their baby. Some want to see the adoptive parent do that. Some clients don’t want to see the family initially and have that time with their baby. We encourage you to spend time alone with your baby, whether it’s right after birth or later during the hospital stay.
What interactions do you want during your hospital stay?
It’s up to you how much contact you want to have with your baby and the adoptive family. This is your time. We do recommend spending time with your baby in the hospital. Our philosophy is you can’t say goodbye to something you haven’t said hello to. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s emotional. Here are your options:
- If you want the baby in your room the whole time, that is your right and it will be honored. You can have the family come up and visit (and bring food from “the outside”) or not have them come up at all.
- Most hospitals will give the adoptive family a room down the hall and the baby can go back and forth so if you want to give them some bonding time, you can. If you want to take a nap or get some rest overnight, you can send the baby down to them.
- Another option is the family can take care of the baby the whole time. Again, we recommend that you spend some time with your baby, but will respect your wishes if that is what you feel like is best for you.
Note: Most hospitals will keep you for 48 hours, even if you have a vaginal delivery. You can also choose to leave the hospital before the 48 hours and sign outside the hospital.
Do you want to breastfeed?
Yes! You can breastfeed your baby if you want. A majority of clients do not want to breastfeed. It’s additional bonding and they feel it would be too much. If you want your baby to have the benefits of the colostrum in the hospital but are worried about the additional bonding, another option is to pump and bottle feed the breast milk. We have some clients that will continue to pump for a few weeks and provide that to the family — but there is no pressure to do that at all.
Should my baby be circumcised?
If you’ve delivered a baby boy, you can choose to circumcise or leave that decision up to the adoptive parents.
Naming the baby
There are two birth certificates in adoption. The original birth certificate will list you on the certificate and the name you choose for the baby. There is an amended birth certificate after the adoptive family finalizes the adoption. There are many scenarios — sometimes there are two completely separate names, sometimes the expectant and adoptive parents decide on a name together, sometimes the adoptive family will use part of the name you give the child as their middle name.
After You’ve Delivered Your Baby
During your stay, the hospital social worker will visit you and check in with you on your plan. She is your advocate and it’s her job to make sure you are not being pressured by anyone while making your decision.
Once you’ve had some time to recover from the delivery, your adoption specialist will visit with you — typically the next day. We are there to check in on you and see how you are feeling about your adoption plan. If you are unsure, we will go through your options and try to help you figure out the best next steps for you.
Your adoption specialist will also ask if you would like to make any changes to your hospital plan. Did you originally want the baby to room in with the adoptive parents, but now want the baby in your room for the remainder of your stay? Or are you ready to leave early and want the family to care for the baby? Whatever changes you make will be honored!
If you are feeling confident about your decision to place, we will go over the relinquishment documents and schedule a time to process the paperwork. We will then meet with the adoptive parents and update them on your wishes and the plan moving forward.
Signing the Relinquishment Papers
Texas law says you need to wait at least 48 hours after delivery before you sign, and you can’t be on any medication that could affect your ability to make a clear decision. When it’s time, your adoption specialist will walk you through the papers and you will sign in front of a notary and two witnesses. After your paperwork is signed, the adoptive parents will complete their paperwork.
Leaving the Hospital
As with any delivery, your nurse will go over postpartum instructions with you as well. Although you are not leaving the hospital with your baby, your body still needs time and proper care to heal.
After all paperwork is complete, the hospital will do discharge planning with the adoptive family, and the baby will be released to them. It’s up to you if you want to be in the room for that. You will also decide if you want to see them before they leave.
This is a very difficult day, and many clients decide one thing but do the opposite. Some clients want to do a ceremony with the family (religious or not). Some just want to get together and take pictures before leaving. If you’re ready, you can set up your first post-placement counseling session to help you process your grief surrounding placement. It’s important to know this will be a very difficult time and to lean on your support system and the agency for help.
If you have any additional questions about the hospital stay, feel free email us or text us at (512) 656-5560!
