As I reflect on my first year with Adoption Advocates, I can’t help but smile. I have learned more than I thought possible. I knew this would be a new experience, but I had no idea how little I knew about the adoption process, birth parents or adoptive parents, and the experiences of the triad.

When I met with my first client, I was afraid of messing up, saying the wrong things or simply not knowing what to say. Throughout the meeting I remember thinking to myself, “Stop fidgeting, stop moving so much…” along with the internal exclamations of all this woman had dealt with in her life. I was astounded by her will to survive and to do better for her and her baby. As I continue working with different clients that astonishment still has not gone away. To this day I am constantly surprised at how much our expectant parents, birth parents and even our adoptive parents have been through and how they keep going day to day!

When people ask me what I do for a living I always respond differently, but all responses begin with “Well, I am an expectant parent caseworker at an adoption agency in Austin.” They usually respond with something along the lines of, “Wow! That is so great of you! How rewarding that must be!” I always follow that up with, “In a way, yes it is.” They always seem perplexed by this answer, but here is why it is rewarding while also sad. As caseworkers, we bear witness to the best and worst day of someone’s life all at the same time. After my first relinquishment this really hit home. My heart was broken for the birth mother as I watched her cry over the relinquishment document, but when the adoptive father held the baby for the first time and exuded happiness, I felt ecstatic yet conflicted. How do you feel those polar opposite feelings at the same time? Well, be an expectant parent caseworker and you’ll find out.

When I began working with expectant parents, I felt like I was in a whirlwind of a firestorm, surrounded by so many emotions and I had no idea whether they were mine or my clients. I had a hard time allowing myself to be transparent, real and vulnerable with my clients and even myself. One of our adoption counselors, Laura, taught me that it is okay to be vulnerable and connect with clients through shared experiences.

Through the invaluable guidance of Laura, our Executive Director Rory Hall and Adoption Coordinator Jenny Fouilloud-Hofmann, I have learned many things. But the lessons that resonated with me the most are “It is okay to not be okay,” and “It is okay to let them know you don’t know.” Laura describes one of these lessons as “learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable” and this has impacted how I interact with others personally and professionally. I am no longer as afraid of uncomfortable silences!

Our expectant parents and adoptive parents taught me what unconditional love and acceptance looked like. I always thought I was able to be accepting of all people, but after working with our clients I realized I had more work to do! I learned how to be forgiving and open. I learned how to give care without the hope for any in return. I learned how to be a human by caring for those around me.

My experience over this last year has been amazing. It has been hard but every second has been worth it. I have so much respect for our expectant parents, birth parents and adoptive parents – not to mention my team of co-workers – that it is hard to contain. I cringe at the thought of who I would be without these people to guide me, expose me to new experiences, teach me about life, and how to overcome the hardships and obstacles life puts in our path.

I came to AAI with no knowledge of adoption and, when I think back, a slightly naive view on the whole process. Thankfully, through my work with expectant and birth parents, adoptive parents and my coworkers, I have gained so much insight and can operate with a more positive, genuine, and caring perspective.