“Could I actually be considering this?”
“I’ll just call to get information.”
“What will they think of me?”
“Am I too far along to start the adoption process?”
These are some of the questions that may run through an expectant parent’s mind prior to taking the leap of faith that is contacting an adoption agency for the first time. Unsurprisingly, this can be an incredibly intimidating call to make (or text message to send). The laundry list of fears likely includes judgment, misinformation, and of course the fear that they’re making the biggest mistake of their lives.
A common misconception is that contacting an adoption agency or providing contact information somehow obligates you to make an adoption plan. Rest assured that it doesn’t.
In Texas, the decision to place cannot be made until 48 hours after the child’s birth, and absolutely no sooner. There is nothing that can be signed before then that is legally binding. Should you chose to parent your child prior to signing relinquishment paperwork, your decision will be respected by Adoption Advocates as well as the prospective adoptive parents, if you are matched.
Getting More Information
The first question your adoption specialist will ask is, “Are you currently pregnant?” While this may seem like a silly question, it is designed to clarify if you want to place a child for adoption or adopt a child that someone else is placing. It also helps to distinguish off the bat if you are considering placing your unborn child or a child that you are already parenting. The next question to expect is, “Do you know how far along you are?” This question gives us an opening to discuss if you have already applied for Medicaid, if you’ve begun receiving prenatal care, and how long you have known about the pregnancy.
Some agencies may ask questions about race, age, and the expectant father or bio dad, but our first priority is to find out a little bit about why you are considering adoption at this time in your life. There is no one right answer to this question – each expectant parent’s story is unique and your reasons for placing are valid. If parenting is something you are still considering, I will offer to give you resources that would assist you in being able to parent.
Explaining the Adoption Process
During the first phone call, we'll talk about working with an adoption agency. But if you want to continuing exploring adoption, here's an overview of the adoption process for expectant parents:
- Discuss situation during intake phone call.
- Meet in-person or via Zoom with adoption counselor to discuss your options and answer your questions.
- Complete paperwork so that you can begin receiving services.
- Apply for Medicaid and establishing medical care if necessary
- View adoptive parent profiles, if you wish to choose the family.
- Speak on the phone with prospective adoptive family.
- Become officially matched to adoptive family and begin building a relationship. This stage often looks like getting together with the family once a month or week for lunch or dinner and talking and texting on the phone. Some expectant parents may even choose to invite the adoptive parents to be present at prenatal appointments if they are wanting that level of support from the family.
- Meet with adoption counselor for weekly or biweekly grief preparation counseling
- Complete Hospital and Adoption Plans with adoption counselor and put into writing desires for post-placement contact, typically completed at one month prior to delivery. If you are still considering parenting, we will work on a Parenting Plan as well.
- Deliver the baby and stay in the hospital with the baby for two days.
- Sign relinquishment papers no sooner than 48 hours after the birth of your child. Placement with the adoptive family is done immediately following relinquishment.
- Attend post-placement counseling sessions for as long as you need.
- Participate in ongoing opportunities to be a part of the larger birth parent community like attending birth parent appreciation events and volunteering to speak to prospective adoptive families or expectant parents about their own experience.
I encourage you to ask any questions you have. Many women will ask specific questions about their case or about the vetting process for adoptive families. All questions are welcome. If I don't already have it, I will ask for your contact information so that I can follow up. How I follow up is completely up to you. If you are local, I will see if you would like to schedule a time to come into the agency to talk more in-depth about the process and so that I can answer your questions. If you are not local or if you are but are not ready to meet with a counselor in person, I will offer to follow up in a few weeks. If you choose not to give me your contact information because you wish not to be contacted, then there is absolutely no pressure placed to give out your information.
Whether you decide to place your child or parent, contacting an adoption agency is a monumental accomplishment that will allow you to make an informed decision that will hopefully come from a place of knowledge rather than fear.
Taking the Next Step
If you aren't ready to reach out to an adoption agency yet, that's OK. There is a lot of information on the Internet to help you start exploring your options. Here are a few resources you might find helpful:
Surprise Pregnancy? What to Do Now
Should I Keep My Baby? Questions to Ask Yourself
Tips on Choosing an Adoption Agency
Adoption Advocates is here to answer questions and help you explore adoption. As a trusted adoption agency, we've been helping pregnant women in Texas explore adoption since 1991 - and we can help you too. Get in touch by calling us at (512) 477-1122, texting us at (512) 270-8415 or completing our online form.
