Modern adoption practices put you in control of your choices – including who will adopt your baby. So yes, you can place your baby with a friend or family member that wants to adopt.
The situations are commonly referred to as independent or designated adoptions.
Things to Consider Before You Say Yes
Sometimes placing a baby with someone close to you is a blessing… but not always. Before you agree to this arrangement, there are a few key things to ask yourself.
- Can I truly let go of the idea that this child is mine if I’m seeing him or her regularly parented by someone else?
- Am I comfortable seeing this child?
- Why am I considering them for an adoptive family?
- How will my role as a birth parent be honored?
- How will they react if I change my mind during the adoption process?
- What will my child call me?
- Could this damage our relationship?
If you feel like this is the best solution, be prepared to have some long conversations with the adoptive family. Before any paperwork is signed, you’ll want to make sure you’re on the same page. Do you have the same expectations for openness? How will you be involved in the child’s life? What boundaries do you both need to set? Can they afford a home study and an attorney? Both are required to legally adopt.
Do We Need an Adoption Agency?
No, you do not need an adoption agency. You and the adoptive family can choose to work directly with an adoption or family law attorney to facilitate the legal process. However, many adoption agencies – like Adoption Advocates – offer designated adoption services as well, and there are a lot of benefits.
Adoption is a difficult process and can be mentally and emotionally overwhelming at times. An adoption agency can provide support and counseling to help you process your feelings about your pregnancy and adoption. They’ll also be there after placement to help you cope with the sense of loss and grief that most birth moms feel after.
In Texas, it is against state law for potential adoptive families to offer you money or gifts. However adoption agencies are allowed to provide financial assistance with pregnancy-related expenses – like rent and groceries. So, if you need help with housing or paying bills, an agency would be the best option for you.
Many adoption agencies will also provide separate legal representation in the adoption, so that you are fully informed about your rights and the documents you will be signing. You can request one in an independent adoption as well. We highly recommend it.
Open adoption agreements in Texas are not enforceable in either an agency or an independent adoption. It is important that you and the adoptive parents discuss what your relationship will look like after placement.
Adoptive parent training is not required in a private adoption. In our training, we educate adoptive families on the needs of the adopted child. Adopted children do better when they are able to have a relationship with their birth family growing up. When adoptive families don’t have that training, they sometimes will think it is better to not have a relationship with you. Or they worry their child will love them less and jealousy can lead to bad decisions. Once educated, they understand it’s needed for their child to feel whole.
Taking the Next Steps
Choosing to place your baby for adoption, and who raises that child, is your decision. You have the right to make that decision free from pressure or coercion – and that includes from family and friends that want to adopt.
Want to learn more about open adoption and your rights as an expectant/birth parent? Adoption Advocates is here to help. Call us at (512) 477-1122 or schedule a time to chat with an adoption specialist to get answers to your questions.
