Angelina is a birth mother who chose adoption for her child through Adoption Advocates. She is passionate on the subject of adoption and recently shared her thoughts on her adoption experience with AAI.
What made you choose adoption?
When we found out we were pregnant it was very late and we really only had 2 options at that point- adoption or parenting. We were not in a place mentally or financially to handle raising a child in the way we wanted to so adoption was the best choice for us and our son.
How do you feel about open adoption now?
I think that it was the absolute best option for myself, my partner and our son at the time of his birth. I think it can be an incredible gift but it has also completely changed my life. I had never felt the tremendous grief, loss and heartbreak of losing a child until we chose adoption but I also never felt the chest swelling, all consuming, unconditional love of having that tiny person in my life. I am so thankful to be a consistent part of my sons life and to have the peace of mind that he will always know where he comes from, that he is loved and never alone.
What do you wish people knew about adoption?
I think that adoption redefines the traditional definition of “family” in that it comes in all shapes and sizes. I can’t think of a single negative thing about having more people to love your child- and for me that’s what adoption has become about.
Adoption is a huge life changing event for all sides of the triad (birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee), it’s traumatic and gut wrenching but also beautiful and soul warming. It has created relationships for myself and my partner that we could have never imagined and despite the heartbreak and stormy days we’ve encountered and still do periodically- the most beautiful part is being able to watch my son grow up in a happy and healthy home and share that joy with his parents.
What do you wish people knew about adoption?
I think that adoption redefines the traditional definition of “family” in that it comes in all shapes and sizes. I can’t think of a single negative thing about having more people to love your child- and for me that’s what adoption has become about.
Adoption is a huge life changing event for all sides of the triad (birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee), it’s traumatic and gut wrenching but also beautiful and soul warming. It has created relationships for myself and my partner that we could have never imagined and despite the heartbreak and stormy days we’ve encountered and still do periodically- the most beautiful part is being able to watch my son grow up in a happy and healthy home and share that joy with his parents.
What advice about adoption would you give to someone with an unplanned pregnancy?
First of all- I feel your pain, your anxiety and your stress, and you are not alone. I maybe didn’t have a full 9 months to think about this HUGE and completely unexpected life changing event but I felt all of those things you’re feeling right now.
My best advice would be to reach out to someone you trust and talk through your options. The good, bad and ugly. Make a list of pros and cons, really think about what adoption means to you and what you are really looking for and need in that relationship. Making the decision to place my first and only child with an adoptive family was hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but looking back- I am 100% confident it was the best choice I could have made.
What advice about adoption would you give to adoptive families?
Keep an open mind and open heart. Work on your communication. Become comfortable with the uncomfortable, and learn how to be vulnerable and therefore courageous.
How was your experience working with AAI?
AAI gave us a glimmer of light in a incredibly difficult and dark time in our lives. Everyone I have worked with over the years has been nothing but warm, inviting and I think most importantly- down to earth, honest and real. Adoption is messy, people!! It’s a wild ride and I couldn’t have picked a better agency to help navigate it with.
