Being pregnant and considering adoption puts you in a vulnerable position. You need an adoption agency that you can trust to have your best interest in mind – so it’s really important to find one that is ethical, transparent, and will offer unbiased support.
As you’re scrolling through Google search results and adoption agency websites, be on the lookout for these red flags.
They say things like “get paid for adoption” or offer you “cash support.”
Adoption agencies shouldn’t be operating like a store. This is a human life (and one that is probably precious to you), not something to be sold.
Also, offering money for your baby is illegal in the United States.
In Texas, adoption agencies can offer financial assistance for pregnancy-related needs – things like rent, groceries, and your phone bill. This is to help keep both you and the baby safe and healthy during your pregnancy – not an incentive for adoption.
They refer to you as a “birth mom” from the start.
A birth mom is someone who has placed a child for adoption. That’s not you. You are a woman who is considering adoption or making an adoption plan.
Sometimes we believe the labels other people give us, especially when we are feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed or confused. If someone labels you as a birth mom, you may start to feel like one. And that may make you feel trapped, or committed to something you aren’t sure about.
It’s a very subtle form of coercion.
Be wary of an adoption professional who calls you a birth mom. They have already made their mind up about who you are, and what you should do.
You are the only one who gets to decide if you are going to be a birth parent – and you don’t make that decision until at least 48 hours after you’ve delivered your baby. Until then, you are just a pregnant woman making an adoption plan.
You don’t know who they are. Or where they are.
Adoption – even just exploring it – is a very emotional process. You’re going to have to face some hard truths and difficult decisions. It also puts you in a very vulnerable position. You’re going to need an adoption professional you can trust.
Reputable adoption agencies are transparent about who they are, because they recognize how important (and personal) your relationship should be. Their website should include an address, so you know where they’re located. They should list their staff, with names, photos and titles so you know exactly who you are working with.
It’s also important that they are a “child placing agency” licensed IN YOUR STATE. Of course, if you don’t know where they are, you can’t verify their license.
Not sure if the ad or search result you’re seeing is legit adoption professional? Look them up by their name or domain name on AdoptChange.org to find out if they are licensed as an adoption agency in your state.
When we see a website without this information, it makes us wonder why they’re hiding it… and what else they are not telling you.
They offer you free housing… in another state.
If you’re looking for information on adoption, you’ll see ads from agencies offering you free housing. Not only that, they’ll pay all the fees to move you there. Sounds amazing, right?
Not so fast.
That free housing is usually in Utah, and there’s a reason for it. Utah has adoption laws that can be used to exploit expectant moms. Some adoption agencies move expectant moms there because it makes it easier to push the adoption through quickly, before you can change your mind.
(This also applies to adoption agencies that offer to fly you to another state for delivery. Spoiler alert: they aren’t doing it because you’ll get better medical care. If an adoption agency ever suggests you relocate to another state for delivery, make sure to check that state’s adoption laws very carefully and ask for independent legal counsel.)
To be honest, the laws in Texas don’t offer you much more protection. That’s why Adoption Advocates works hard to be transparent about the grief and trauma of adoption. We also help you develop a parenting plan as an alternative, and respects your right to walk away at any time before the papers are signed.
We know you’ll experience deep feelings of love and loss, and you need to know it too – otherwise, you can’t make an informed decision.
Also, we believe in having support and connection as you make your decision. Being far away from your family, friends and the baby’s father can make you more dependent on the adoption entity, and easier to influence. Like labeling you a “birth mom” while you’re pregnant, isolating you is a subtle form of pushing you into adoption.
They offer a fee structure based on adoptee race and/or gender.
All babies are human. Their lives are equal. Discounting babies because they are considered a “less desirable” ethnicity is just gross not considered best practice.
It’s also not in the child’s best interest. Adoptees often struggle with feeling like second best as it is. Can you imagine feeling like your parents picked you because you were cheaper? Do you want to risk your child feeling that way?
It’s uncommon these days to find an adoption agency that has a race-based fee structure, but they do still exist.
So what should you look for in an adoption agency?
We hope we’re not scaring you! There are plenty of agencies that will treat you with the respect and honesty you deserve. (We think we’re the best adoption agency in Texas, of course. But if we’re not right for you, rest assured there are plenty others we think are trust-worthy.) These are a few of the things you should be on the lookout for:
- They will help you explore all options, not just adoption. You cannot make an informed decision if you only see one path.
- They do not try to sell a “rainbows and unicorns” view of adoption. They openly acknowledge that it is difficult and they do not downplay the grief you will feel.
- They offer lifelong adoption support for birth parents after placement.
- They offer you separate legal counsel and discuss the legal documents with you before you deliver.
- They have good reviews online.
- They are willing to connect you with birth parents who have placed, so you can hear first-hand what it’s like from someone who has been through it.
Want to learn more about making an adoption plan with Adoption Advocates? We’re happy to answer any question about our practices, policies, and what makes us different. You can reach us by calling (512) 477-1122 or texting our on-call adoption specialist directly at (512) 270-8415.
