If there’s one thing people seem to universally get excited about, it’s a pregnant woman. The knowing smiles, the comments, the way-too-personal questions. Don’t even get us started on the people who think it’s ok to touch a pregnant belly without permission. (It’s so not.)
While the unwanted attention can be a bit much at times, it can be extra tough if you’re making an adoption plan. Many people will have an opinion on that too and — unless it’s your partner or someone close to you — you probably don’t want or need those opinions. It’s important that you share this information with those who can be a support to you and not shame you for making an adoption plan.
So how do you tell those around you that you’re making an adoption plan? Different situations call for different conversations. Keep reading for advice from our experienced counselors.
Your Parents and Immediate Family
This can be one of the most difficult discussions, and a lot of it can depend on your relationship. It can also depend on how sure you feel about adoption. We’ve had some clients who have told their parents about the pregnancy and adoption plan, and their parents have offered to provide support and help them parent. Others try to influence your decision. Know that they will go through a grief experience along with you. It’s a loss of a grandchild, niece, or nephew for them and they will also likely grieve for you as they know it will be hard for you to go through the experience. Anger is one of the stages of grief so that should be expected as well. It’s tough, but anger typically passes.
You will likely get the question “How did this happen?” and they are not asking about the birds and the bees! It’s a question that reflects disappointment in your decisions. And from some people, you just don’t need that on top of everything else you’re dealing with.
Some clients get everything together before having the conversation. They sign up with an adoption agency, participate in counseling to be sure making an adoption plan is the right path, choose a family and start a relationship with them. Sometimes already having a plan in place makes it easier to explain your reasons and answer their questions.
Your Co-Workers
There is something to be said about keeping your private life separate from your work life. But unless you work remotely, your co-workers will notice that you’re pregnant. And when you return to work after delivery, they will ask you about your baby.
When and how you tell them is completely up to you, but telling them before you have the baby may prevent some awkward situations — like a surprise baby shower. It may also help them be more sensitive when you return to work. The grieving period post-placement can be intense; having people ask about the baby can be triggering when you’re just trying to get through the day.
Random Strangers That Want to Talk About Your Baby
In this situation, it’s fine to not share anything about adoption.
Just remember that no matter what anyone else says or thinks, the decision to place your baby for adoption is yours – and only yours – to make.
If you are pregnant and considering adoption, ADoption Advocates has counselors that can provide advice and support at every step of the way – including how to handle tricky conversations. Start getting help now by calling (512) 477-1122, texting (512) 270-8415 or completing our online form.
