It’s finally happened: the phone call you’ve been dreaming about since your adoption journey began. There’s a baby on the way, and it’s time to time head to the hospital. Are you ready?
It’s completely normal to feel both anxious and excited when the day arrives – after all, a new life coming into the word is a momentous occasion. It’s also a highly emotional time for everyone, and knowing what to expect at the hospital can help you prepare.
The Expectant Parent’s Delivery & Hospital Plan
As an adoptive parent, your involvement at the hospital is based on the expectant mother’s birth and hospital plans. As part of her adoption counseling, the adoption specialist will help her create a detailed hospital plan that includes who will present at delivery, how much time she spends with the baby, and how involved the adoptive parents are.
Your adoption counselor will also go over the hospital plan with you, but most matched expectant and adoptive parents talk directly about their expectations for the hospital. Keep in mind, however that the expectant parent should be the one to initiate and lead the conversation. However inadvertent it may be, asking if you’ll be allowed to be in the room, or if you can room-in, may make her feel pressured to say yes even if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
Learn more about the hospital experience for birth parents
Your adoption coordinator will also go over the hospital and birth plans with you, and let you know if any changes are made.
During and After Labor
If you and the expectant parents have established a relationship with ongoing communication, most likely she – or her partner – will be the one to let you know when she goes into labor. Otherwise, your adoption coordinator will reach out once the expectant parent is admitted and labor is confirmed, or is a date is set for a scheduled delivery.
Whether or not you should head to the hospital at this point will depend on the expectant parent’s hospital plan, and when (or if) she has requested you to be present. For adoptive parents that are not in the same city as the mom, we recommend that they begin the journey to the birth’s mother area as soon as she is admitted.
Every adoption and hospital plan is different, but most of our expectant parents to choose to have the adoptive family at least visit the hospital to spend time with the baby. Some choose to have the adoptive parents stay at the hospital in a second room, and share time caring for the baby, either together or separately.
The Next Steps
The hours and days after delivery are a critical time for the birth mother. Once the baby is in their arms, the situation often becomes more real and doubts about the adoption can arise. She may be overwhelmed by her emotions, on top of exhaustion and healing.
During this time, it’s important for adoptive parents to allow the birth parent(s) time and space to make their decision. Adoptive parents and birth mothers sometimes create a strong bond while matched, and birth mothers may worry about disappointing you if they feel they cannot move forward with the adoption. This is the time to reassure them that your support and respect their decisions.
If she has decided to move forward, her adoption specialist will meet with her to go over the paperwork and sign the relinquishment documents. Your adoption coordinator will then meet with you to complete your placement paperwork, and the baby will be discharged to your care.
Read more Do's and Don'ts for adoptive parents at the hospital
Additional Questions from Adoptive Parents
Since it’s a completely new experience for most adoptive parents, we get a lot of questions about the logistics. Here are answers to some of the most common ones. If you have other questions, please reach out to your adoption coordinator!
What should we bring with us to the hospital?
Having a packed bag and essential supplies ready to go can be a huge help. In addition to any personal items you need for staying at the hospital, you’ll want a diaper bag stocked with a few baby outfits, formula, bottles, a blanket and a pacifier. The hospital will also check the car seat in your car at discharge. We recommend that you install this well ahead of time – they can be complicated and you won’t want to be stuck at the hospital figuring it out.
Some adoptive parents also bring a gift for the birth mother, although is optional and may depend on your relationship.
Who makes decisions for the baby/s care, treatment or procedures?
Until the relinquishment papers are signed, the birth mother has the legal right to make all medical decision concerning the baby. These decisions can include circumcision, breast feeding, vaccinations and needs for any medical interventions that may arise.
What happens if the baby needs to stay in the NICU?
Unfortunately, some newborns, especially preemies, are required to moved to the neonatal intensive care unit for more intensive monitoring and treatment. Both birth parents and adoptive parents will be able to visit the baby according the hospital’s policies. The birth mother will still have the option to sign relinquishment papers, and you will be able to take placement while the bay is still under the hospital’s care.
What if are matched after the baby is born?
Getting a call that a baby has already been delivered and the birth parents want to meet you can be welcome surprise! As with any other adoption, the birth mother will decide if she wants to meet you, and how much time she like for you to spend with her and/or the baby at the hospital. Your adoption coordinator can help you navigate this scenario, but in many cases, you will still be able to take placement from the hospital.
