The adoption process can be emotionally challenging for expectant parents. This is not an easy decision, and it’s important to be prepared for the feelings you may experience.
If you are wondering how it feels to place a baby up for adoption, here are some of the emotions you find yourself navigating:
1. Grief and loss: As you come to terms with the fact that you will not be the everyday parent to your child, you will likely feel a sense of grief and loss. This is especially true when it comes time for relinquishment and in the following weeks. Preparing for these emotions, and how to cope with them, is a primary goal of pre-adoption counseling. If you are not having these feelings, you might be in the denial stage of grief. It’s important to explore this so you can be fully prepared to make your decision.
2. Doubt and uncertainty: You may have doubts and uncertainties about your decision to place your baby for adoption. It’s normal to have second thoughts, especially the first time you hold your baby after delivery. You should explore these feelings with your counselor and support system before you make your final decision. If you have always felt certain about your decision to place, you might journal and/or write a letter to yourself about your reasons and feelings to help you process.
3. Peace: Knowing that you have provided a stable, loving home for your baby can bring a sense of relief. You will feel like you’ve made the decision for your child given the circumstances, and that he/she will have the life you want for them.
4. Fear: It can be difficult to entrust your baby to another family. You may worry that they will not be good parents, or be able to love your child like you do. Many women also fear how their child will feel about them, and their choice for adoption, as they grow older.
5. Guilt or shame: Some women worry that they will be judged because they were not in a place to provide for a child, or for their decision to place their baby up for adoption. They may feel less worthy or that they have failed.
6. Jealousy: Oftentimes expectant/first/birth parents can feel jealousy towards the adoptive family since they can provide what you feel you can’t. (On the flip side, adoptive parents can sometimes feel jealousy towards you for being able to carry a child to term when they can’t.)
7. Empowerment: Placing your baby for adoption can also be an empowering decision as you take control of your future and your baby's future.
8. Love: It may seem obvious, but love may be the strongest emotion you feel. Your love for your child will be with you for the rest of your life and may even grow over time. With open adoption, you may also feel love and gratitude towards the adoptive family, especially if you develop a close relationship.
Processing Your Emotions
All of these emotions are a normal part of the adoption process. Not only is it okay to feel them, fully processing them as they come is a crucial part of long-term healing.
You don’t have to deal with these feelings alone. If you are placing your child with Adoption Advocates, you will receive ongoing counseling throughout your pregnancy and for as long as you need afterwards. Your adoption specialist will help you to identify and process your emotions at every step.
We also encourage you to seek support outside of the adoption agency by talking to your partner, friends and family. Joining a support group or connecting with other birth parents can provide additional safe places to share your feelings and help you move through them.
Questions about the adoption process? Our counselors are ready to provide answers and help you explore adoption to see if it's right for you. Call (512) 477-1122, text (512) 270-8415 or complete our online form.
